End Every Day With A Laugh with Tawna Fenske! #Day2

May 17, 2016, 0 Comments | Comentarios

So your brother—”

“Right, sorry,” she said as Kelli began swabbing the cat’s love spuds with disinfectant. “That’s actually what I came here to talk about. You know how you’ve lusted after Mac since—well, um, puberty?”

“Of course. Your brother is hot.”

“And you know how he’s barely aware you exist?”

Kelli picked up her scalpel and quirked an eyebrow at Sheri. “Are you planning to make a point here?”

“Right. Yes, definitely.” Sheri cleared her throat as Kelli poised her scalpel for the first incision. “Will you marry my brother?”

Kelli blinked, then slid her scalpel through the cat’s scrotum. “This is always how I imagined my first marriage proposal.”

“I’m serious,” Sheri said as Kelli focused on the incision. “Well, sorta. See, Mac has this business deal. And he needs a fiancée to pull it off. A fake fiancée. That’s where you come in.”

Kelli slid the cat’s testicles out, marveling for the millionth time that they were the exact size and color of a pair of great northern beans. Maybe she should make white chili for dinner.

“What does Mac’s top-secret military bullshit have to do with marriage?”

“He can’t tell me much,” Sheri said, looking away as Kelli began tugging the testicle to break down the ligament. “That’s the nature of top-secret military bullshit, as you put it.”

“I’m sure that’s what it says in the contract.”

“Right. Anyway, here’s what I know. Mac told a fib to land a deal. He said he has a fiancée, and now he needs to produce one quickly so he can close the deal. You’d need to spend a couple weeks in Todos Santos, Mexico. You’d attend a few functions, play the doting bride-to-be, collect a ridiculous amount of money for your trouble, and say goodbye at the end of it.”

Kelli felt her heart kick up a notch. “Todos Santos?”

“You know it?”

She nodded, feeling a bubble of excitement low in her belly. “They’ve got an enormous feral cat colony. I’ve always wanted to do a spay-and-neuter clinic there.”

“Really?”

“I even applied for the permits and made contact with some volunteers over there who could assist. I just never had the time or the money or—”

“Money’s no object with Mac,” Sheri said, waving a dismissive hand. “He’s a private contractor with a jillion government contracts and endless military resources. None of us are exactly sure what he does, but it’s very lucrative.”

“He’s paying me to marry him?”

“To pretend to marry him. You’d be well compensated for your time if you’re willing to play the fiancée role for a few weeks. You just need to be compliant, soft-spoken, beautiful, sweet, demure, and drama-free.”

Kelli raised an eyebrow. “You’re aware you just gave a complete list of antonyms for my personality.”

“Well, you are beautiful.”

“Thanks. It all sounds so romantic,” she deadpanned. “Will Mac throw in a ride on a white stallion before we trot into the sunset to make beautiful babies and live happily ever after?”

“You’re allergic to horses, afraid of babies, and horrified by commitment.”

“Do I at least get to bang your brother?”